Let’s be honest, stress is inevitable, but I am hopeful by the end of this post, you won’t dread experiencing stress as much as you currently do. Stress is a normal part of our daily lives and in small doses, it helps us be productive, achieve our goals, and be prepared for important events. However, long-term stress can become harmful. When stress becomes overwhelming and prolonged, the risk for mental health problems and medical problems can increase.
I find, stress is rarely a topic clients bring forward during our intake session.
However, the more in-depth we work on the issues brought forward, the topic of stress is very much intertwined within those issues, and how to manage stress becomes a common focus of treatment.
It is not common knowledge for people to know that stress can be used to motivate yourself rather than to hold yourself back. I know, what on earth am I talking about? Your stress becomes a warning and a motivator to create a better life. To embrace stress as desirable rather than problematic is the start of viewing stress as something to be sought after rather than avoided. Keep in mind, there are different levels of stress as mentioned earlier, and I am not saying all stress is healthy and positive stress, (i.e. small doses vs prolonged). When we welcome just the right amount of tension and excitement in our lives, our lives can become more interesting and fulfilling.
Stress largely results from your perceptions about outside events not the events themselves. Much of our stress is a result of what goes on between our ears. Because stress is an inside job, knowing this, will give you more control over the stress in your life; meaning, you have control over the stress you feel.
For example, you are running late for work and you are hitting every red light possible. That’s when the creative language comes out as you’re counting down the seconds for the light to turn green. I mean really, what the fudge nuggets is going on!? During this moment, it may seem as though you are stressed by the red lights slowing you down, but overall, you are truly stressed because you are running late for work. If you left on time and you hit every red light, you would probably at most, be annoyed.
Stress is neither good nor bad – it just “is”. Our perceptions determines what stresses us out.
Let’s talk about the signs and symptoms of stress:
Cognitive (thinking-related) symptoms include:
o difficulty concentrating or thinking
o memory problem
o negativity or lack of self-confidence
o constant worrying
o difficulty making decisions
Emotional symptoms include:
o moodiness
o low morale
o irritability
o feeling hopeless or helpless
o feeling apprehensive, anxious or nervous
o feeling depressed
o feeling unhappy or guilty
o feeling agitated or unable to relax.
Physical symptoms include:
o headaches
o muscle tension or other physical pain or discomfort
o stomach problems
o nausea, diarrhea or vomiting
o loss of sex drive
o rapid heart rate
o high blood pressure
o fatigue
Behavioural symptoms include:
o changes in eating or sleeping patterns
o social withdrawal
o nervous habits such as nail biting, teeth grinding or foot tapping
o increased use of caffeine, cigarettes, alcohol or other drugs
o neglect of family or work responsibilities
o decline in performance or productivity.
For those who learn best with visual examples, check out the Swiss Cheese and Rubber Band Theories:
The Swiss Cheese Theory of Life
Visualize Swiss cheese to make the point that life isn’t supposed to be so smooth and predictable like cream cheese. Rather, life is full of holes, and likewise, life is full of challenges to get through. The larger the holes in the swiss cheese, the more flavorful and stronger the cheese. Likewise, the bigger the holes in our lives, the bigger our challenges and the more we can develop our character and uniqueness, as long as we deepen and don’t weaken.
The Rubber Band Theory
When the rubber band is not stretched at all, it is limp and does not have a useful function. However, to much stretch can cause the band to snap. The happy medium lies somewhere in between, where the band has some stretch and give without being too limp or stretched. This represents the balance that we seek in our lives in terms of stress. We want some stress to spice up our lives, but not so much stress that we become overwhelmed and “snap”.
Myths and facts - I cannot be the only one who likes to debunk myths! So, let’s talk about the common myths and facts about stress.
Myth 1: Most stress is caused outside of ourselves. (Spoiler alert… we may have already talked about this).
Do people stress you out? Does traffic stress you out? Does snow stress you out? Usually, people will answer yes to these questions. Yet, in actuality, stress comes from within ourselves—not from the outside.
The truth is that no one has the power to make you stressed unless you give it to them.
Myth 2: Stress is not controllable — it controls us.
Our stress is largely a result of our interpretations. By controlling our perceptions, we control our stress. (You got this!)
Myth 3: Most people find the same things stressful.
Stress is not the same for everyone; some people will find stress motivating rather than debilitating. Try your best not to compare your stress level intake to others. Consider the adage “One’s man’s treasure is another man’s trash.” What is stressful for one person is invigorating for another. Whereas some of us find the idea of skydiving, zip-lining, or skiing on an expert trail terrifying, a more adventurous soul will be exhilarated by the stress. Some people seek to repeat the very same experiences that many of us would avoid at all costs.
Myth 4: Stress is bad for you.
Despite the common misperception, stress is not bad for you. To quote Hans Selye, the pioneer of the study of stress, “Stress is the spice of life.” We need stress to feel engaged. In fact, trying to escape or avoid stress will make life more stressful! Selye differentiated between negative and positive stress: It is our perceptions that makes it seem bad! According to Selye,
“Adopting the right attitude can convert a negative stress into a positive one.”
Myth 5: Stress interferes with success.
Negative stress can be debilitating but stress itself is not inherently bad. It’s stress that is not properly managed that leads to impairment, illness, and even death. Positive stress, however, can be exhilarating and motivating. From youth soccer to the NFL—and everywhere in between—stress motivates players to win. Would people buy high-priced tickets to watch their favorite major league sports team play if they already knew the outcome of the game? Would we really want to know the score ahead of time? What makes watching a game exciting and thrilling is the stress of the unknown.
Last but not least: Tips for managing stress - not carrying it!
Change your perceptions, change your life. There are some things we can’t change, but we can change our perceptions! Shift your focus to what can be changed, not to what can’t be changed. Our thoughts create our stress. Remember to stick to the facts, not interpretations. Often, we can’t “get over” something because of stories we tell ourselves.
Make an effort to think more positively.
Remind yourself that stress can be positive. If we put a negative spin on it, then it will be negative. It has been estimated that the average person thinks well over 50,000 thoughts per day. If even 10% are negative thoughts, which is an underestimate for most people, that comes to 5,000 negative thoughts a day! Start the day with the intention to think positively about your stress.
Don’t forget the importance of humor!
When we feel under stress, a sense of humor is often one of the first things to go. Smiling, laughing, and looking at the light side of life can do wonders for our mental health. Look on the light side of life at every opportunity.
Take care of yourself mentally and physically.
Practice self-care techniques and attempt to nurture and nourish your body as well as your mind. Eating well and exercising will help you keep your stress under control and you will feel healthier in mind and body.
Don’t be too hard on yourself—or on others either.
People who truly like themselves and look for the good in others are far less stressed than people who are judgmental. Accept imperfections, mistakes, and even failures in yourself and others with kindness and compassion. Compassion goes a long way toward soothing the mind and soul.
Focus on what is in your control, not what is beyond it.
Those who focus on what is in their control are more stress-hardy and more likely to grow from stress.
Challenge and commit yourself to do what you love.
People who are energized by pursuits they love and to which they are committed are generally more stress-hardy. Finding meaning in your daily life, in paid or unpaid work, working toward making the world a better place, and finding a passion that you can contribute to the world all lead to stress hardiness.
Connect with others—don’t isolate!
Establishing warm and supportive relationships with people, family, friends, coworkers, and neighbors can reduce negative stress immensely. Self-disclosure helps to manage stress rather than let it build up.
ood nor bad – it just “is”. Our perceptions determines what stresses us out.
PS: Keep taking time for yourself, until you're you again.
Chantel Bode BSW, RSW, C-DBT
Source: The Therapist's Ultimate Solution Book: Essential Strategies, Tips & Tools to Empower Your Clients Illustrated Edition: by Judith Belmont
Adapted from: https://www.camh.ca/en/health-info/mental-illness-and-addiction-index/stress
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