First, I just want to say, it is perfectly normal to feel nervous when attending your first counselling session with a sex therapist. Sharing details about your sex life can feel awkward and uncomfortable especially with a new therapist, we get it! There is no expectation to open up right away about everything, take your time and let it flow naturally. In my experience, you may be surprised how easy it is to open up once we get started.
What is a sex therapist and who do we work with?
When I shared with people that I am a Sex and Couples Certified Informed Therapist, I found there was a lot of misconception surrounding sex therapy, such as: sex therapy happens in the nude, sex therapists watch their clients have sex, or that the therapist touches the clients. I can assure you that is not the case. Your sex therapist should not be doing any of those things.
Sex therapy helps people improve their understanding of sexuality and their sex life.
A sex therapist is a certified professional who went through the required training to expand their knowledge in the sex therapy field. We work together to explore your patterns, support you to better understand the past experiences and messages that have helped shape you, and teach you new strategies to achieve your goals, with a focus on sex and sexuality.
What to expect?
Sex Therapists provide a safe space to work with individuals, couples, and poly relationships who may be experiencing:
• Low sex relationships
• Infidelity
• Rebuilding trust after it's been damaged
• Low libido
• Mismatched sex drive
• Erectile dysfunction - difficulty attaining and sustaining an erection, premature and delayed ejaculation
• Sexual shame
• Sexual Guilt
• Redefined monogamy
• Body image issues
• Sexual Trauma
• Cultural differences regarding sex and intimacy
• Relationship communication issues including sexual wants and needs
• Kink
• Adding sex toys in the bedroom
• Working with Poly relationships
Your sex therapist will ask questions to help them understand where you are at with your sexuality and help you begin to reflect deeper into your understanding of sexuality. A common question I like to ask is:
What messages did you receive about sex growing up?
*Quick side note – visit my Instagram page to learn why we ask that specific question!
And just like other forms of therapy, we challenge your perspective, we develop strategies, and personal development work is expected outside of your counselling session.
The benefits of attending sex therapy include:
• Developing a healthier relationship around sexuality with yourself and your partner(s).
• Helps you understand your needs and wants.
• Helps you to reflect why you may feel, think, behave, a certain way regarding sexuality.
• Helps you understand why arousal is there, but desire is not.
• Teaches you to communicate more effectively about your sexual desires and needs. Communication is a big issue when it comes to sex.
Lastly, do not hesitate to ask your therapist during the intake session how they typically go about working with sexuality. This helps you see if they would be a good fit for you moving forward. Not every sex therapist practices the same way so take your time and find the best fit for you.
Let’s leave it at that for now.
PS: The more we talk about sexuality the less stigma will surround it!
Until next time,
Chantel
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